01.08.08
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 9:56 pm by Kate
Below, is the advice given to another blogger months ago who I was checking up on because she hasn’t posted in, well, months. I found my last remaining comment on her last remaining blog about whether or not to call back a creepy guy who she worked with two years ago, who suddenly decided to call and ask her on a date. I’m taking this particular blog topic and her recent blog posting history as a flag that she didn’t take my advice. However, I hope that this fact does not determine that Two Year Ago Caller was not, in fact, a serial killer. Because that would be sad. Come back EEK! Let it be known that you were not suddenly murdered in your apartment several months ago, never to be heard by the blogging community ever again. Let us know you are OK!
And here is where I realize that I, as well, have NOT been posting on my blog. Hey guys, I wasn’t murdered - I just got engaged! To which a certain percentage of you will most likely say, “same thing.” Point taken.
To EEK regarding THIS:
If you don’t call, he will most likely make up a million and one excuses as to why you didn’t call - all of which will not include the fact that you do not want to date him. A few of the reasons might involve a Sasquatch breakout in the Sasquatch Research Center (SRC) a few blocks from your office; a small, extremely isolated yet intense deadly earthquake originating directly below your apartment building; and of course, the obvious - the Apocalypse has begun. Any of these possibilities might give him refuge in the concept that calling again would not only be a good idea but possibly heroic.
I say, call him back and be completely honest about the imaginary boyfriend you are fully committed to at the time. That way he can tell himself: it’s not me, it’s you. Because - while it may be creepy, it takes a lot of balls to call a girl you last saw two years ago and ask her on a date.
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09.17.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 2:29 pm by Kate
Yes, I go and tell you I’m engaged and then I bound off for 3 weeks. I know, I’m horrible.
Let’s just say that I’ve been swamped with wedding brainstorming, engagement party planning and poor baby Ken’s wisdom tooth fiasco. Our house is also a mess as it’s been about as ignored as this blog.
I have however, started yet ANOTHER blog for the wedding. You’re welcome to follow the planning process there as that is where my mind is most of the time these days and I will most likely be posting there more often than here.
Come join me over at THE WEDDING.
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08.24.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 11:24 am by Kate
Yup.
“Since when?” you ask. Well, since last night. Ken popped the question at the very tip top of the ferris wheel in very romantic form - with his all-to perfect timing: right before the fireworks.
Of course, there has to be a little deviation from the perfection - which adds humor to the tale. On the way in, Ken set off the metal detector (yes, it’s that HUGE!!). I hadn’t noticed as I was peeking in at the fair activities - while I was distracted, Ken whispered to the security guy, “it’s an engagement ring!” To which the security guard apologized and quickly passed him through.
We wandered around; stopping to take a look at the Toytopia exhibit - very cool - where there was a Zoltar machine (ie. the movie Big). Ken gave me a $1 for a prediction. The winded speech from Zoltar made little sense, but the tear-off card that ensued spoke of a future love.
Then off to a few random rides before landing at the ferris wheel. We hopped on our gondola and sped upwards. I almost completely ruined his plan - I was freaked out about the speed and the drop. I’m sure Ken was thinking, “crap - I can do this unless she calms down!” However, after the first speedy drop I was fine…and Ken wandered into a wonderful, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you speech” and plopped a gigantic diamond onto my finger.
I was almost speechless and was unable to utter anything other than, “Oh…my…god!” for the next 20 minutes or so. We grabbed a drink and headed hand-in-hand over towards the “river” to catch the first glimpses of the fireworks overhead. It was wonderful.
Our engagement photos - which those of you who are close will soon seen I’m sure - are of the photo booth variety. We also purchased out entrance photo, which amazingly, turned out fantastic. I couldn’t have ask for better photography to capture the moment - it’s added a nice touch of kitschy-cool to the memory.
As for the ring - it’s gigantic and gorgeous. A perfect choice. And fucking HEAVY!!! Haha - it’s a constant reminder, which Ken of course loved to hear. 
Getting engaged is a huge step, especially since engagement rings are so expensive these days. Some girls prefer to pick out loose diamonds and have them set, but the most popular thing to do these days is to find wedding bands that coordinate with the engagement rings so they look even better together after the wedding.
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Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 10:59 am by Kate
My three, inspired by Charming….
I don’t miss how your religion affected our relationship; your suspicious, hypocritical mother; or your ability to be inappropriately goofy in very public places (doing the worm at a school dance). Granted, we were young.
I miss how you carried me with you proudly - against everyone else’s wishes - and never made me second guess “us”.
But I have that with him too.
–
I don’t miss your mohawk, your reckless passion for art, or the tattoos.
I miss your charming sense of communication, somehow making yourself loved by all who meet you - be it with a suave demeanor or by sarcasm.
But I have that with him as well.
–
I don’t miss the reality-shaking, unabridged lying; your hateful angry tone and emotionally crippling nature when we fought; and your hedonistic relationship with technology.
I miss your passion for music and how you unveiled my eyes to so many new sounds - connecting on that level and being able to talk for hours about our sonance addiction.
But, that too, I have with him.
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08.15.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 3:54 pm by Kate
I was re-visiting old blogs from ages ago and got a kick out of some of my old writing. Not to boast, but I really miss the writing talent I had goin’ on back then. I should pick that up again.
Anywho, I’m posting an old piece I wrote a while back to have some fun with people. It’s a guessing game of sorts, so if you have a guess email me or comment below.
I love these three things - do you know of them?
Deep pools of emerald, hazel, chocolate and beryl,
swim soulfully beneath the surface,
entwined with self and love alike -
to read between the lines,
and behind them -
see the truth,
and beneath it,
beyond it.
A connection to a deeper side,
love and life’s windows in pair.
A feathered gust escapes between,
this snug dyad in baited need.
To meet and part and meet again,
their warm embrace in mitered affection.
Articulate at most,
misspoken periodically,
this lock and key guard,
to the personal enigma.
Flanged perfection entwines,
coexsisting in puzzle-like reciprocity.
More than just a gesture adieu,
a pinky-swear,
or a unity flag.
A manifestation of spiritual emotion,
through embrace and brush.
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08.07.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 2:21 pm by Kate
Anyone attune to the various savory alcoholic drinks available may still have never heard of the abomination I’m about to throw your way: The Bullshot. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this rare mixologists’ nightmare sounds horrendously disgusting.
Sure, I can handle some V-8, Tabasco, celery stumps, Worcestershire sauce and a few stuffed olives for flair. YES, I can definitely appreciate the art of a finely tuned dirty martini complete with those tasty pimento greens beneath it’s icy surface. However, I’ve discovered that not all salty cocktails entice my palate in quite the same way.
This afternoon, my co-worker let me in on the little secret called: The Bullshot. First, you heat up a shot full of your premium vodka. Second, you drop in a beef boullion cube and let it dissolve. Third, you top the boullion-vodka concoction with a little pepper and salt (did the bartender not get the seasoning aspect of boullion, or what). Then you shoot the warm salty side of beef down your throat. Spew. Anyone think this sounds tasty? You’re insane.
I’m totally serving these at my next party. Just for novelty.
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08.03.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 8:04 am by Kate
For those of you who know my girl - and fellow, yet inactive, cohort of FreshDeuce - Ceann, you know that she, as well as I, love to fuck with people. Often times the fucking with people comes later, once we’re removed from the social situation and for instance, sitting in my car discussing how we’d have liked the rest of the conversation to go. Much like an angry 11 year old after removing his head from the place the school bully had just left it - in the toilet.
These moments are special to us and often not fully appreciated by others when they occur in front of a live audience. However, I thought I’d share one of the convos we had last night with you anyway:
We had just purchased pears, DC*, and several frozen goods to consume whilst watching a movie at my house. At the checkout, the checker got cheeky with us, telling us that his bagger was lazy, etc. For some reason (Ceann you can help me out here if you’d like), the bagger continued to tell us that he had missed all of the checker’s birthdays - to which Ceann responded with, “That’s a lot of birthdays!” The checker smartly replied, “Are you saying he’s old?” We left with no further retort…until we reached the car….
KATE: What’s up with that bagger? Trying to get you in trouble with the checker and all?
CEANN: I know! That’s not his place!
KATE: Yeah, bagger - you’d better get yourself in check…
CEANN: Or we’ll put you in check…
KATE: And if we don’t, those two guys might put you in check. OR those two guys over there. And really, you don’t want to mess with those two guys.
CEANN: You don’t even know what you’re in for. You don’t even wanna know what you’re in for!
KATE: They mean trouble, those two. Trouble for you!
CEANN: With a double dildo! They’ll get’cha.
KATE: Watch out! Don’t turn around! You don’t want to know what they’re doing.
CEANN: Yeah, you’re gonna need a lot of lube. Get yourself some lube!
KATE: Aisle 13. Lube’s on aisle 13.
CEANN: Yeah, aisle 13A. It’s on aisle 13A. Better go get yourself some before it goes down.
KATE: Yeah lube will do you no good afterwards. Run…RUN…RUN!! Go get that lube! 13A!
CEANN: You won’t be able to sit tomorrow. Get yourself in check.
Yes, all within the safety of our own vehicle, with no audience to entertain but ourselves. This is proof of our idiocy - or genius - depending on how you look at it. Who knows, maybe it’s only funny to us? However, I laugh at the fact that we even do this on a regular basis. We’re complete dorks.
*DC is Diet Coke. One of the many crucial food groups to survive as a 20-something human being.
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08.01.07
Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 10:53 am by Kate
I find it odd that I’m feeling slightly hurt by the fact that the same two people who I have decided that I no longer want friendships with, want friendships with each other. Why would I care - considering the fact that I no longer want friendships with them? Granted, I was the reason they even met - but why aren’t I feeling like, “Hey, how convinient - two assholes wanting to be friends with each other saves many other potential friends from having to deal with them: that’s great!”
But I don’t. For some reason, I feel slightly jealous. Like, maybe I should contact them with a duplicate copy of the following letter:
Dear Ex-Friend,
I am not writing to apologize to you, forgive you or to beg back your friendship - I am still solid in my decision that you are an asshole. However, being the super-fabulous human being that I am, I thought I should warm you that Mr./Mrs. Ex-Friend #2 is a great big dickwad and will most likely be a fuckhead to you as they were to me for the following reasons: blah, blah, blah, stole from me, blah, had to lock them out of my apartment, blah, blah, never paid utilities so they went to collections, blah, blah, stole clothes from me when they moved out, etc.
This letter should be of importance to you for at least one of two reasons. One, this is your “Good Lookin’ Out of Jail Free” Card. Take it for what it’s worth and don’t get yourself screwed over. Two, after reading this letter, know that I have no qualms about telling others what you did to me. Keep yourself in check.
ML,
~ K
Alas, this would be childish and unprofitable. Also, it would expose my MySpace stalker status to those who I feel need no blackmail information about me such as this. I will give you all the disclaimer that I rarely check up on Those-I-Do-Not-Speak-Of and only do so when extremely bored. It’s more tortuous to me than to those I see out, as you can read from above.
However, I have no shame. Therefore, let the MySpace stalking commence once again!
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07.24.07
Posted in FreshPosts at 7:26 pm by Kate
4 Things That Made My Morning Suck Ass:
1. Waking up feeling like I haven’t slept in 8 million weeks, having to call in to “sleep in” (how lame is that?).
2. Skipping breakfast before heading to work. I’ve grown accostomed to my breakfast.
3. Read my previous entry RE: FTB. ’nuff said.
4. Forgetting my workout clothes for my after-work workout.
4 Things That Made My Day Better:
1. My co-workers. They give me bing cherries and frozen Dulce de Leche Yoplait whips to make me feel better.
2. Writing my previous entry RE: FTB. ’nuff said.
3. Finding cute ass Adidas brand workout clothes on clearance, rendering them cheaper than cheesy Old Navy brand merch.
4. My Spinning Class. I am Kate, hear me roar…erm, ride?
4 Things I Look Forward To:
1. Dress shopping with Kenneth on Friday. He buys, I wear - who can complain?
2. Getting together with the crew for Misti’s birthday. Woo! What’re we doing, anyway??
3. Manoush’s Bachellorette Party in the City (SF) - we’re going VIP!
4. White water rafting on Sunday!
Let’s not forget that me and Ken’s 1 year 7 monthversary is on Saturday! What’re we doing? I don’t know - hopefully relaxing!
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Posted in FreshPosts, Kate, FreshEditors at 11:28 am by Kate
Dear Franchise Tax Board,
I have happily avoided you for years - to your suprise, legally, unlike most of your escapees - by faithfully paying your ass-rape taxes on time and accurately. Alas, to no avail, we have unexpectedly (on my part) “bumped” into each other like a stakeout gone wrong.
How nice of you to cover the collections for Court Rendered speeding ticket fees! Why I think it’s so wonderful that you do them a favor and jack up the collection time from simple “you owe us” notice to “we’re going to pilfer your bank account” in no time with little to no notice! Maximum harassment, maximum profit - right?
I think it’s just fantastic that your employees have NO idea that I’ve already paid this fee - over a year ago. Said employee also had no idea why your letter requested that I send a check, stating to whom the check must be wrote out to, where to send it and that it must be processed within 10 days - yet checks take 3 to 4 WEEKS to process. She offered Western Union as an option, but that will be an additional $15 - where in all honesty a $350 late fee already has my head reeling. Apparently, an additional $15 is my limit - because I was ready to pay the rest with my debit card on the spot.
FTB, you have trained your employees well. You have trained them to not waste time in speaking with payees who burst out crying in frustration when they explain that they just want to pay, have tried to pay off this debacle three times in the past year, but can’t because they don’t offer an immediate payment option without paying MORE and that if they sent a check to cover the amount due, the FTB might already have deducted it from their paycheck or placed a hold on their bank account. When those types of payees call, when they cry, what do you do to improve your timeliness and effectiveness? You hang up on them.
Once again, thank you for being the wonderful institution that you are.
Regards,
Me
P.S. Up Yours.
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